


Mean Nothing to You

by andiebeaword



Series: Spencer Reid Teen+ One Shots [6]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24565792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiebeaword/pseuds/andiebeaword
Summary: Spencer believes that Reader is head over heels for another guy. He has no idea the guy she loves is him.Relationship: Best friends. Awkward Friend Zone. In Love.Warnings: Angst. Fluff!
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Series: Spencer Reid Teen+ One Shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2115525
Kudos: 54





	Mean Nothing to You

Somewhere there's speaking  
It's already coming in  
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind  
You never could get it  
Unless you were fed it  
Now you're here and you don't know why

I'm sitting at the wedding reception of my longtime colleague, David Rossi. The guy's been married and divorced three times, and his now wife was also his third. I was told I could bring a date, and while there was someone who crossed my mind, I knew all too well that it was best I kept my mouth shut. So, here I am, nursing a bottle of beer, curiosity of Penelope Garcia, after she caught my frown and told me that under no circumstances am I allowed to leave her hanging on the dance floor. 

"Oh, and um, I came to this wedding by myself, but I will not be dancing by myself. Do you understand me, Dr. Reid?" 

"Yes." 

Needless to say, Luke has actually been holding her hostage as his dance partner for most of the night, much to my happiness. Surely, I would have danced with Penelope if she wanted me to, but I had the strangest feeling that she prefered Luke anyway, and I was anything but upset about that. Just as I was about to go and see if I could steal J.J. away for a dance from Will, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. 

Y/N📱: Hey, I'm at your apartment. Are you ignoring me on purpose? 

Shit. Not only did I not invite her out to the wedding, I also didn't even bother to tell her I wouldn't be home for our usual Doctor Who night. Quickly, before Penelope decided to come back and drag me to the dancefloor, I shot Y/N a quick message. 

Spencer📱: Sorry. No, just at a friend's wedding reception. 

Y/N📱: You okay if I crash it? 

Her response popped up before I could even think to close my phone. Did I want her to crash it? Just as the thought found its way into my brain, Garcia came up behind the bar. 

"Garcia, what does "crash it" mean?" 

Penelope just gave me that overbearing are you serious, Doctor look. I watched her sigh heavily before answering me. 

"Let me guess, Y/N thinks her ditched her and now wants to crash Rossi's reception?" 

Sometimes, especially in moments like this, I really have no other choice but to believe that Penelope really is psychic. 

"How the hell did you know? What? She text you, too?" 

Garcia had a look of utter guilt just beaming off her head. I couldn't really blame her. She was Y/N's friend first. That's how we met. At a Doctor Who convention of all places. Penelope simply nodded her head then put a hand up in my direction. "And, before you text her back, know that I already told her she could crash and gave her the address." 

I sighed, slinking back into my chair, beer still in hand. "She hates me, doesn't she?" 

"Why would she hate you, Spencer?" 

I knew it was a bad idea to even be here. I still had J.J.'s voice ringing in my ears. I also had Y/N's words from her journal playing on repeat throughout my mind. If I didn't know better, I would think I'd look cross-eyed. 

"Cause...I know she loves someone else, and she hates me for openly snooping through her journal," I scoffed. "It also doesn't help me any that I'm stupidly in love with her. And with everything J.J. said...." I quickly slapped my mouth with my free hand. 

"Well, she didn't say anything to me, but maybe she wants to crash here, so she can apologize?" 

I know Penelope means well, but this was a mess I was afraid I'd never be able to clean up. 

\-------♥-------- 

One week ago.

"Y/N, do you really have to write in your journal during Legally Blonde?" Penelope threw a popcorn kernel at me. What she didn't know was that I was in the middle of writing out my insatiable feelings for one of her good friends, who also happened to be my best guy friend and current crush, Dr. Spencer Reid. 

"Penny, you know as well as I do, exactly what happens. We've seen this movie a bajillion times." I went back to my journal, penning my thoughts and feelings down in hopes that after Penny leaves, I'll be able to burn it and cross my fingers that my love for him will burn along with it. Getting frustrated, Penelope slams on the pause button and glares directly at me. 

"Okay, Y/N, spill." I admit defeat and hand her my journal. Penny knew all about my growing crush, saying she firmly believed it wasn't entirely one-sided. It had, however, been well over a year since she said that, and while my crush has only gotten so much worse, Spencer has been absolutely nothing but friendly to me. He has made zero moves, not one advance, not even remotely by accident. I was beginning to think it'd all been a lost cause. 

"Oh, honey, your feelings are beautiful. You need to show this to Spencer." Best friend say what? 

"No! Not in a million years, Pen! Spencer likes me as a friend. Nothing more." I took back my journal, leaving it open on the coffee table. "What I need is to literally burn those feelings away and then meet a guy who isn't Spencer and fuck his brains out." I wasn't at all serious about sleeping with the next guy I could like. In truth, I would save myself forever for Spencer. I've had my fair share on one night stands and one failed relationship. The day I realized I loved Spencer was the day I declared myself celibate. 

"Why don't I call him over for you, something tells me you two have a lot to talk about." Before I could even scream at her that that was a terrible idea, I heard it ringing as she put it on speaker. 

Spencer📲: "Hello?" 

Penelope📲: "Hey, Reid. We were just talking about you. You busy?"

I continued to glare at Penny as if my eyes could burn her alive. 

Spencer📲: "No, actually. I was meaning to talk to Y/N. She there?" 

Spencer knew Penny and I had standing Friday night dates while he and I had standing Saturday ones. 

Penelope📲: "Yes, Boy Genius. Here she is." 

Penny motioned for me to sit next to her and talk with Spencer. 

Y/N📲: "Hey, Spence. How's it going?" My voice gave me away. He knew I squeaked the same way he does whenever we're not being one hundred percent honest with each other. 

Spencer📲: "Y/N, you sure you're okay? I can come over? As long as Garcia doesn't mind." 

Penelope📲: "Not at all Reid. In fact, I was heading out anyway. See ya to--"

Spencer📲: "Monday, Garcia. I will see you on Monday." 

Penny hung up her phone before I could ask Spencer what that was all about. 

"Something you two have planned tomorrow that I'm not apart of?" 

"No, sorry, I got my days mixed up. Long week. See you later. Tell me how it goes. I want all the dirty details." I shot her a glare before ushering her out of my apartment. 

I was in the middle of rewatching the movie from earlier while snacking on some cream puffs when I heard a knock at my door. Not just any knock. Spencer's knock. "Who is it?" I hollered eventhough he knew damn well I could tell it was him. 

"Very funny, Y/N, come on, open up! Please?" He timidly said the word 'please' like he was actually afraid I was going to ignore him. I couldn't ignore him. I was in love with him. I stood up from my spot of the couch to open the door with a smile plastered across my face. "Y/N," Spencer smiled, pulling me into one of his signature teddy bear hugs. It was during such hugs that I would catch myself lingering just a touch too long. 

"So, what brings you by? Other than trying to talk me out of my next date." Yeah. Spencer Reid was a lot of things, but there were still some things about him that made it easy to hate on him. Like, when he purposely answers your phone knowing it's your hot coffee shop date, and he pretends to be your boyfriend. The sad truth there, is that I wish when I hear him say those things, I wish he meant them. Not just as a stupid prank. But, who am I kidding? He's Spencer fucking Reid! Guy probably has a list, one being that he could never see himself romantically with someone unless their IQ matched his. Mine is nowhere close. Practically on different continents. 

"Can't a guy just be thrilled to see his best friend?" Best. Friend. Punch me a little harder, closer to my heart, next time, Spence? I smiled, hoping it looked genuine and not as fake as it felt. I watched as Spencer made himself at home on my couch, purposely taking my spot, which he knows all too well. I snickered at him, making my way to the kitchen to grab some munchies and drinks, as I have no clue which direction or conversation is going to occur. As I'm grabbing the necessities, I hear pages turning. DId Spencer bring a book? It wouldn't be odd or out of character for him, just...weird. 

Trying not to pry, I peered over the island and saw him reading...something. It wasn't until I walked close enough to see my coffee table that I knew what was now in his hands. My journal. "Spencer! That is PRIVATE!" I tore the notebook out of his eager hands, shoving it inside my junk drawer for the time being. I couldn't stop the tears sliding down my face. Spencer looked guilty. Just plain guilty...maybe a little hurt. What he have to feel hurt about? That was my private journal. My thoughts...about him. 

"I'm so-sorry, Y/N. It was out, I didn't think it was private." His voice shrunk, meekly. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to say I was sorry. BUt..I couldn't find the words or the ability within me to even hug him now. 

"I'm suddenly tired, Spence. I'll see you?" I wanted to wallow without him there to see it, but I also wanted to him to know, as best I could manage, that this wasn't a deal breaker when it came to our friendship. No, your fucking romantic feelings for him will take care of that just fine, my inner self proclaimed. Nodding, Spencer got up and sluggishly walked out my door. He did turn around to wave at me, giving me his best tight-lipped smile that just looked sad. I closed the door, locked it, then threw myself on my bed, wallowing myself to sleep. 

\-------♥-------- 

He's everything you want  
He's everything you need  
He's everything inside of you  
That you wish you could be  
He says all the right things  
At exactly the right time  
But he means nothing to you  
And you don't know why

"Y'N! You're here!" Penelope shrilled, her voice echoing through the hallway I was trying my best to hide within. Great. Not only did I not want to risk spilling my guts to her, I still hadn't properly apologized for reading her innermost secret thoughts. 

I can't stop smiling at you. Did you know you have the best lips I've ever noticed on a guy? I wish I could feel them. Touch them. Kiss them--

"Spencer!" Her voice rang in my ears, pulling me out of my stupor. 

"Hey, Y/N. Glad you made it." I went in to hug her, then stilled. We were still in a fight. We hadn't even made up yet. I pulled back at gave her a small wave instead, much like the one I gave her the last time I saw her. When I broke my own the same way I broker hers. 

"Spence, it's---it's cool, I--I had it open, and you didn't know, I know you didn't know." I could see tears falling down her cheeks. I wanted so badly to wiped them away and never cause them again. "Oh, hey, I think Krystall's ready to throw her bouquet, I'm going to go stand by Penny," she says as she walks away to where all the single women stood. 

I went over to join the men, who were up next after the girls. Y/N looked so happy. Like what had happened between us that night didn't happen. Oh, how I wished that were true. I allowed myself to zone out once more, recalling more of her words from her journal....

I hate how much I love you right now. Like, my heart physically hurts whenever our hands can't touch. I sound like such a hopeless romantic, but its true. It's funny how I see you every day and yet, sometimes I often wonder how often, or if ever, do you see me?

"Congratulations, Y/N!" The mention of her name pulled me out once again. Everyone was clapping. Then I saw it. Y/N was standing there, looking more beautiful than the bride on her wedding day. She caught the bouquet. 

"Alright, Reid, now's your turn, I'm going to give Rossi a heads up," Garcia nudged me gently, pushing past me towards the groom. I gloomingly follow the other men out onto the floor, pretending to be ready to catch the garter. 

"Hey, Reid, why don't you just...move...over here," Luke pushed me forward a little, then stepped back so he was behind me. I watched as Rossi slid the garter off his wife's leg, then flung it back behind him directly at me. Everyone else took a big step back, so I was the only one who even had a chance to catch it. I extended one hand out, then the other, catching the lacy material in both hands. The crowd cheered. Including Y/N. 

I made my way back to my seat in no time. I notice the DJ making his way out to the dance floor. "Alright, will the man and woman who caught the garter and bouquet please make your way to the dance floor, now." 

I froze. Then I felt her warm hand on my shoulder. "Hey, silly. We're being called up, c'mon, let's go." I blindly stood up and followed her to the dance floor, her hand never letting go of mine. I loved it...and I hated it. A slow song began to play over the speakers. I found myself unable to move once more. "Spencer, I know you don't dance, but, will you, please, for me?" My heart melted at her words. I silently nodded, taking her hand and swaying to the beat of the music. Y/N slowly rested her head on my chest. I felt my heart burst. This is wrong. I hesitantly moved just enough, stirring her head off of me. "Are you okay? Do you really not want to dance with me?" Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes again. I felt my own well up at the thought. 

"No, I--I really want to, but...I can't," I whispered to her, so that anyone else couldn't hear. 

"Spencer, you're dancing just fine for someone who claims to have two left feet." God, I loved her. No. I can't. She loves someone else. 

"Y/N, I can't because...because I have feelings for you, romantic ones, and you--you love someone else, and it just....hurts to know that. I'm sorry I read your journal, both because I invaded your privacy, and also because now I know just how much of a shot I don't have with you." I let the damn break on that one. 

"Spencer, wait!" I rushed past the halls, to the nearest door I could find. I needed to breathe. I was suffocating myself just being near her. "Spence, please, I need to explain." Explain what? I thought. Explain how I poured my heart out to you, knowing you wouldn't return them? Yeah, good talk. "Spencer Walter Reid, let me talk!" I turned around to see the most beautiful woman I loved look like she would break if I just lightly touched her. "Spencer, what you read....in my journal...it was about you." Now, that got my attention. 

"Me? But, why didn't you say anything?" I could feel the pieces of my heart making their way back to me. 

"Penelope might have let it slip to me that you and J.J....." her voice got quieter as she trailed off her reason. Neither one of us knew the whole story of the other. Miscommunication is a deadly, sickle thing. 

"Y/N, that was years ago. I promise, you're everything I want and more." I pulled her in for the hug I've been waiting to give her since she first crashed Rossi's wedding. As we pulled away, she leaned forward and kissed me. It was sweet and sensual, and longing. "That was better than I ever imagined it would be," I whispered to her as we broke a part. 

"I love you, Spencer Reid. You're everything I want and more, too." 

"I'm so in love with you."


End file.
